alanj: (Default)
While at M Resort this afternoon, I ran into my host, Wai-Mei. She's very nice, but there's occasionally a language gap between us, one that she tries to bridge with pure enthusiasm.

She asked if I needed anything, asked about a friend of mine, and then remarked:

"Your shirt so cute! Little M&M guys, I love it! You get at M&M's store?"

S&M's shirt

"No, actually, I got it at a fetish fair in Massachusetts somewhere else..."

I wasn't about to try and explain that one.
alanj: (Default)
Playing video poker in Yet Another Shitty Locals Joint, for about a hundred times the stakes of anyone around me, waiting for the staff to pay off a jackpot.

Lady looks up from the slot machine behind us. "Ooooh, what did you hit? Wow, that must be nice! How much is that? Oooh!"

I answer these questions honestly, but I really hate contributing to the delusions of gamblers that everyone around them is winning, and maybe next it'll be them. I'm winning. They're not. They never will. So I add - also honestly - "just don't ask how much I put in."

"Oh, we never talk about that. Only talk about the winning, never about the losing. That's how gambling works! It's lying to everyone around you, and to yourself." That's sort of disturbingly profound to hear from someone playing penny slots.

"I... I think I might have to quote you on that. Do you want attribution, or should I just say I heard it from a wise woman I met in a casino?"

"Just say you heard it from some chick."

She wanders off to find another penny slot, and I return to my work.
alanj: (Default)
At Venetian to pick up my $175 free play, I get into an elevator, wearing the same shirt as last time:

no raptors

A young black gentleman is in the elevator already.

"No... raptors? What's that about?"

"I do not want to be hunted down and killed by raptors!"

"Is it from a movie, or a game, or something?"

"No. I just don't like raptors." (Yes, I know about Jurassic Park, but I haven't seen it.)

"So why that particular concern, man? They extinct!"

Fortunately we arrive at my floor just then, and I can nod gravely and say "You can never be too sure" as I walk away.
alanj: (Default)
Palazzo gave me a $5000 gift card for Barneys New York, which I personally have no use for. I'd prefer to sell it locally to reduce fraud concerns, so I posted to Craigslist soliciting offers.

One guy offers $2000. Another guy offers $3000. So far so good.

Then I get this:

Would you be willing to trade your Barney's gift card for my Precious "teacup" poodle, she weighs 4 lbs, that's it she won't grow anymore, she's puppy pad/doggie door trained, she's extremely great with children especially small children, she's also extremely protective of her owners, meaning that should anyone other than the owners comes around your residence she'll let you know by barking & continue to do so unless you tell her otherwise, feisty for a small dog.

The only reason I'm offering is because I have no choice but to re home my poodle due to health reasons, so as much as we all love her, she's literally killing me. I'd greatly appreciate it if you'd let me know either way, thanks!

Yeahhhhhhhhhh. Not exactly the trade I was looking for!

I emailed him back with "Not really looking for another dog, and not sure how your teacup poodle would do with my Doberman anyway :) Good luck finding a loving home for her."

He promptly replied with "I do believe my "teacup" poodle will be your Doberman's snack. Thank you for your response though."

I love the Internet.

alanj: (Default)
Walked over to Flamingo to check in to a room, which I won't use, and pick up $400 "travel reimbursement", which I will use. On my way over, noticed that I forgot to bring my Harrah's player's card. So I head over to the player's club, and naturally, skip the line by going to the l33t desk.

"Hi, I'd like a replacement player's card." I flop my ID on the counter.

The two clerks give each other looks. "Did you get lost?"


"Are you a platinum or diamond level player, sir?"

OK, I'm not dressed like much, but this is ridiculous. "I would like a replacement diamond card, please." I put a little bit of venom into it - the trailing ", bitches" is unspoken but implied.

They get my card for me, and I head off to VIP checkin, shaking my head a little. I'm standing there, getting out my credit card and offer letter, when I realize two things.

First, I'd just been walking very quickly, dodging and weaving through Strip crowds, and I'm both out of shape and somewhat short on sleep. I probably looked flustered and disoriented.

Second, not only am I wearing a plain beige $5 T-shirt from Target, but I'm wearing it inside-out.

OK, fine. In retrospect, I'll give them a pass on the attitude.


Mar. 22nd, 2008 10:30 am
alanj: (Default)
Wild bear is wild!

alanj: (Default) with lucky hamster!


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February 2013

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