alanj: (hat)
I was playing the $1500 NLHE a couple days ago, and chatting with Molly.

14:30 A: "New table kinda sucks, no obvious hosers"
14:30 M: "ew"

14:45 A: "nm, identified a couple of targets"

15:05 M: "Nice. (Sorry, was outside washing horse cock.)"

I burst out laughing at this. When I sit down again, the table asks what was so funny. I relay the message. Most of the table is amused; the guy in seat 7 looks really puzzled.

7: "I... I don't even know what that MEANS."
A: "It MEANS that she was washing the COCK of a HORSE."
7: "Oh. Er. Huh. I thought it was slang or something."

I explain that there's this huge gelding over at the property, and he was rolling around and got something stuck up there, and now it's all infected and swollen, it's like he's got a tumor or a watermelon or something dangling around, so it has to be cleaned out, lots of pus, pretty nasty. Seat 7 is visibly uncomfortable.

A: "I'm sorry, was that more information than you needed?"
7: "No, no... I'm always interested to hear about... such things..."
A: "About HORSE COCK? Many people ARE interested in horse cock, it's true, but most of them don't want to mention it, and--"

At this point the dealer doubles over laughing. I text Molly again.

A: "I broke the dealer! YAY!"


Fast forward to this afternoon. I'm out playing video poker with Molly and Becca, we have three out of a bank of four machines.

At some point Molly starts talking about washing horse cock again, probably hoping to get a reaction out of Becca. If so, she's succeeding.

M: "I don't mind doing it, but I get tired of having him threaten to kick me."
A: "Maybe you shouldn't volunteer to do it, then?"
M: "Oh, he's not GOING to, but he lifts up his hoof and threatens to. I can't blame him, it can't be comfortable having a hose shoved up there."
B: "Poor horsie!"
M: "The swelling is going down, though. It used to be like this [demonstrates length and girth], and now it's more like this [demonstrates]."
A: "You know, you really ought to save the horse cock for when it'd be useful. Like, say, if a smoker sits down on that fourth machine. I bet it'd be even more effective than [livejournal.com profile] tiurin's karaoke technique."

(When [livejournal.com profile] tiurin is in a casino and wants to drive someone off, he sings along to the piped-in music, very loudly. If you've ever heard [livejournal.com profile] tiurin sing, you will realize how effective this is.)

Five minutes later... sure enough, a smoker takes that seat.

A: "I see we have an opportunity for HORSE COCK."
M: "Well, yeah, it's really nasty and infected... and big... and... never mind, I can't do it."
A: "What? You were doing it just a moment ago."
M: "I dunno. I can't discuss horse cock on command, I guess."
A: "You can't rise to the occasion? So you're saying you're experiencing PERFORMANCE ANXIETY with your HORSE COCK? I'm sure you can come up with some HORSE COCK when--"

...and the smoker cashes out and walks away.

Horse cock FTW!

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February 2013

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