alanj: (hat)
I was playing the $1500 NLHE a couple days ago, and chatting with Molly.

14:30 A: "New table kinda sucks, no obvious hosers"
14:30 M: "ew"

14:45 A: "nm, identified a couple of targets"

15:05 M: "Nice. (Sorry, was outside washing horse cock.)"

I burst out laughing at this. When I sit down again, the table asks what was so funny. I relay the message. Most of the table is amused; the guy in seat 7 looks really puzzled.

7: "I... I don't even know what that MEANS."
A: "It MEANS that she was washing the COCK of a HORSE."
7: "Oh. Er. Huh. I thought it was slang or something."

I explain that there's this huge gelding over at the property, and he was rolling around and got something stuck up there, and now it's all infected and swollen, it's like he's got a tumor or a watermelon or something dangling around, so it has to be cleaned out, lots of pus, pretty nasty. Seat 7 is visibly uncomfortable.

A: "I'm sorry, was that more information than you needed?"
7: "No, no... I'm always interested to hear about... such things..."
A: "About HORSE COCK? Many people ARE interested in horse cock, it's true, but most of them don't want to mention it, and--"

At this point the dealer doubles over laughing. I text Molly again.

A: "I broke the dealer! YAY!"

Fast forward to this afternoon. I'm out playing video poker with Molly and Becca, we have three out of a bank of four machines.

At some point Molly starts talking about washing horse cock again, probably hoping to get a reaction out of Becca. If so, she's succeeding.

M: "I don't mind doing it, but I get tired of having him threaten to kick me."
A: "Maybe you shouldn't volunteer to do it, then?"
M: "Oh, he's not GOING to, but he lifts up his hoof and threatens to. I can't blame him, it can't be comfortable having a hose shoved up there."
B: "Poor horsie!"
M: "The swelling is going down, though. It used to be like this [demonstrates length and girth], and now it's more like this [demonstrates]."
A: "You know, you really ought to save the horse cock for when it'd be useful. Like, say, if a smoker sits down on that fourth machine. I bet it'd be even more effective than [ profile] tiurin's karaoke technique."

(When [ profile] tiurin is in a casino and wants to drive someone off, he sings along to the piped-in music, very loudly. If you've ever heard [ profile] tiurin sing, you will realize how effective this is.)

Five minutes later... sure enough, a smoker takes that seat.

A: "I see we have an opportunity for HORSE COCK."
M: "Well, yeah, it's really nasty and infected... and big... and... never mind, I can't do it."
A: "What? You were doing it just a moment ago."
M: "I dunno. I can't discuss horse cock on command, I guess."
A: "You can't rise to the occasion? So you're saying you're experiencing PERFORMANCE ANXIETY with your HORSE COCK? I'm sure you can come up with some HORSE COCK when--"

...and the smoker cashes out and walks away.

Horse cock FTW!
alanj: (Default)
Finished fifth in WSOP Event 5, $1000 No-Limit Hold'em with Rebuys, for $164963.

It's disappointing not to do better after entering the final table close to the chip lead, but at a certain level, I have a six-figure check in my pocket and it's hard to be too disappointed with that.

Most importantly for my personal sense of satisfaction, I'm very happy with how I played. This would be a surprise to most observers, since at the final table I got pushed around left and right, losing 75% of my stack without getting to showdowns. I'm sure I folded the best hand more than once, and I'm sure ESPN will pick those hands to show, because folding the worst hand isn't very interesting and I did an awful lot of that during an utterly brutal run of cards.

Eventually I got all my chips in with the worst hand three straight times and finally lost one - again, looks bad, but looking at each individual hand without benefit of hindsight, I'm fine with them. What I'm really pleased with is my play on Day 2, especially that hand against Banducci. Making a thin call of his reraise preflop, taking the riskier but more profitable line by flat-calling the flop, then calling a huge bet all-in on the turn with second pair and having him turn over a stone bluff? That didn't suck.

What also doesn't suck? I've played like 15 WSOP events total in my life, and I've made two final tables. Wouldn't mind keeping up that ratio. :)

According to the ESPN schedule, the final-table telecast is scheduled for August 12, but that is of course very subject to change. It should make for some fun TV.
alanj: (Default)
I probably won't post during the event, so here's a place for y'all to chat while you're following the updates at PokerNews.
alanj: (Default)
Figured I should probably post something public about this.

I have 1222000 chips heading into the final table, about 20% of the total and currently second chip position. Payouts are $637k for first, followed by 406, 246, 201, 165, 130, 101, 80, 58 for ninth. Hopefully those last few numbers won't be relevant for me :)

Restart is at 3pm, we have a few more minutes of 6000/12000-1000 before the level changes to 8000/16000-2000. It's being televised, and my ESPN pre-game interview is at 2, with a quick meeting with an agent beforehand to plaster logos on me for money because I'm just a whore like that. Going to sleep now.


alanj: (Default)

February 2013

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